dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
