By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just threw up on my dentist
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
