I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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