I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
