my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
