We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
