Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
youre lurking in front of me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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