Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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