I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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