if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
