i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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