Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
