yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
