I should be sponsored by Trojan
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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