I'm gonna have a badass scar
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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