Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
