There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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