The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
