My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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