Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
