Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
