I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
