Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
