you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
