dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let's get the cat blown out
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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