My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm like, not good at living.
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