I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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