he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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