$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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