nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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