OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
