Already got asked if we're dating
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I could make wine with my vomit
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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