It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
