Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
