so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
