just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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