dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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