Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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