Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pants are for mortals
A+ Viking dick
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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