I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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