babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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