I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
