After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
