Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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