whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You ate ashes out of my bong
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
