I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
