my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i love accidental penises.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
