Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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