Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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