my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your cock deserves a montage
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
