I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
