How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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