Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
