Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dignity is for republicans.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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