I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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